He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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