I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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