why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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