I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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