Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
