There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
