I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
