i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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