Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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