How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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