We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
