So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
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