I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
