Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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