you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
