Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
