i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Help me help you realize you are a moron
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
