She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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