At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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