I wish my penis had an off switch
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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