So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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