he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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