Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
When are your genitals available?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
