are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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