the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
