if you like me you must not know who I am
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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