I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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