i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Randomize
