At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
