I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Randomize
