if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
