The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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