i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
