can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize