if i can run in heels then i can drive
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
