My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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