dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
