i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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