Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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