I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
