with your own penis?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
