I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
