The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My ATM looks so different sober.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
