You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
