last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
