a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
