if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
