I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
