I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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