We won't sleep together?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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