So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
