They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
