and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
