Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
