My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
