Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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