The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
