i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
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