he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
