I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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