Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
