I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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