I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
