Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
