just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
