I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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