Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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