Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!