he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.