he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
