Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.