Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
