i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
