A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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