If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
