Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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