the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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