He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
