Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
