This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
