just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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