idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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